Los Angeles, You're Weird

I wrote the following on an airplane in the nebulous time slot that was basically yesterday. Now I'm in Japan and completely distracted so no editing happened. Oh well! 

I stopped in LA for a couple of days for the hell of it, and oh my word I did not like it one bit. It is too big, too smoggy, too spread out, and looking up into the hills and seeing the ridiculous mansions and then around on the half deserted streets and seeing so many homeless and destitute folks made me mad. 

You can't really tell how grim the streets are, but they are.

I noticed that when people feel unobserved their faces fall slack and miserable, but when they make eye contact a creepily insincere smile immediately appears. LA Nice isn’t something I’ve encountered before and it made me jumpy. For example, in a coffeeshop:

Isis: Do you know what time the busses stop running?

Creepily smiling Barista: Oh no I never take busses. I love your hat. And your dress too! So pretty.

Isis: (who is covered in sand and salt and sweat from an overambitious beach walk and does not look good) Um, thanks? People are not this nice in Brooklyn.

CSB: Welcome to LA! I hear Brooklyn is cool! Even though they shot Tupac! You’re wonderful (smile, smile smile).

The only sincere native I spoke to was a guy named Charles Aslan who is restoring some lovely tilework in an old chocolate shop. He told me where I should go in Tokyo (I promptly forgot) and didn’t say a thing about my hat.

Completely out of place in the horrible downtown

The main means of transportation (after cars) appeared to be taking skateboards on busses. I’ve never seen skateboards so ubiquitous, especially in a city so completely inconvenient.  Not that anyone uses them for their intended purpose! In fact, skateboard havers outnumbered skateboard riders about three to one. I saw a woman in five inch platforms teetering out of her building with a skateboard under her arm. I did see people actually skating at a skatepark in Venice Beach, and when I passed by later I saw one getting carried out on a stretcher.

I also noticed several cyclists, though nowhere near the volume of NYC or Philly. Most, bafflingly, did not have helmets. I saw a guy zipping along with a surfboard strapped to his bike and gods help him if a crossbreeze came up.

LACMA, the giant complex of art museums and tar pits, was lovely. 

There were some very dated fake elephants in the treacherous goo, too.

I spent all day there. It was great to see paintings in real life that I’ve only known from postcards on my wall, especially some blue period Picassos that made me tingle. It was also quite deserted, and I liked having the grand, well curated galleries to myself. I also went to the museum of Architecture and Design which was terrible, and the car museum which had some ill-conceived dioramas:

Why a problematic fish chef needed to be in a car museum is anyone's guess

For the record, I recognized no celebrities, was approached by no casting agents, got knocked over by one wave, watched one sunset (and about a hundred people taking pictures of it) counted several cars that cost more than a Manhattan apartment, got prickled by two cacti, ate one righteous burrito and some disappointing ones and judged everything.

You call that a sunset? Hrmph.

Maybe I was a bit anxious and distracted, but it made me appreciate New York that much more. I can ride everywhere and the wealth stratification, while egregious, isn’t quite so blatant. And no one SMILES at me! Or if they do, I know for a fact they’re being a creepazoid and can scowl accordingly without feeling guilty.

Ok, all together now.....

Please don't listen if opposed to vulgar language, hating LA, or AWESOMENESS

I'm off, got an entire country to explore. Unpacking can wait. 

-Isis